One step forward...

Today was a pretty decent day. I did go up in weight, which I'm handling better than I thought. I'm now at 97.8lbs. That's OK, right? I mean, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. Gaining. Getting fatter. Nope, pushing those negative thoughts right out. I ate 2 egg whites and a bagel thin for breakfast which was a total of 144 calories. I didn't hate myself afterwards because my body has been craving bread lately. Then when my youngest went down for a nap, T and I both worked out together. He lifted and I did my cardio as usual. Afterwards, we took the boys down to the water park to meet up with my friend, R, and her two kids. It was nice. While there, I ate a 32 calorie salad which consisted of bell peppers, zucchini, and celery. It was yummy. We both planned it out before we went that we both would wear bikini tops and shorts. And that we would embrace our own bodies together despite our insecurities. It's so wonderful having her back in my life. Someone who understands what I'm going through and that I can be completely honest with. It also helps we have been friends for so long. T is worried that R will be triggering for me. And I can completely understand why. Sometimes I'm afraid of that too. But I want to show her that there is a light at the end of this tunnel and if I can reach it, she can too. Although today I did find myself comparing me to her. She is a bit taller than me, so she most definitely looks skinnier than I do. Although she is 20lbs heavier, she appears way smaller. Maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me. It tends to betray me often. After the water park, we came home, T took a nap and I caught up on every one's blogs. Then went to the store to get some more bell peppers and tofu. I find myself really enjoying tofu. It gives me the feeling of eating meat, but feels much better on my stomach. Which is exactly what I ate for dinner tonight. Some tofu, stir fry veggies, then I even gave in and had a biscuit. Dinner was 300 calories. And that's OK. Around dinner time, T got 2 phone calls that stressed him to the max, so I suggested that after dinner and I cleaned dishes, we went for a walk, just the two of us. I wanted to get in some quality time with him and let him vent. Today I have been trying to be better for us. I need him. And I refuse to let ED or ANA push him out of my life. That's just unacceptable. So we had a nice walk after dark, got to talk, and get a bit closer. So I did end up in the negatives by 150 calories today, but I feel good. I felt like today was a step forward to recovery, and a step forward in bettering my relationship with T. Hope everyone has a lovely day. Much love.

She is so beyond sexy

XOXO Katie