Friday, June 1, 2012
How does this even happen? Hmm
I don't understand my body at all. Yesterday I had a total of about 900 calories. Like holy cow! Literally. I ate breakfast, lunch and dinner. I even had a small second helping at dinner. I did have to take laxies yesterday, but they didn't help me very much. I see my therapist today, and she isn't going to be happy with me. I don't get it. 900 freaking calories. With no exercise. I didn't go running because I did so much researching and crying last night. I'm trying not to jump the gun with this situation with my son, but I need answers. I felt so bloated and disgusted with myself after dinner last night, but I thought to myself, "well I will gain, and that's what needs to happen, right?" Nope. I got on the scale this morning before my shower and I am down 2lbs. I'm back down to 94.8lbs. WTF? How does this even make any sense. I ate like a freaking pig yesterday. Consumed way more calories than I ever have without purging, and here I am down 2lbs. I'm not going to let it ruin my mood though for the day. It's beautiful here. I plan on taking my oldest to the water park today since It's supposed to be super hot. My therapy is at noon. I should probably have something small for breakfast before I go. A part of me wishes I could just cancel it and wait to see her til I gain some weight. But they charge 25 dollars if you cancel that same day. So I will put my big girl panties on and suck it up and go. I have been freaking craving chocolate like a mad woman. I want a huge cupcake coated in chocolate icing. I know that I would never eat it, but I would give it a taste lol. I might do some retail therapy as well today. I need it. On a final note, I finally got a hold of my son's dad last night, demanding he come to my house and speak to me after ignoring me for 3 days, and he just blew me off saying that he didn't have the time and he was too busy. What a jerk. I am seriously thinking about taking his rights from him and giving T a chance to be a father to him. My son needs a reliable dad in his life. He isn't getting that from his sperm donor right now. Alright, enough bitching. So here I am on a beautiful Friday and I'm going to make the most of it. Have a wonderful day everyone. Much love.
XOXO Katie
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I think that's the annoying thing about weight loss/gain, it's so unpredictable. I know lot of the time when I think I've gained I've actually lost and vice versa.
ReplyDeleteYou're right though, try not to let it affect your mood and enjoy your time with your boys,
I have every faith in you and I know you can do this,
Lots of love xxx
Ah hun, sorry about his dad, how rude to blow you off. You would be in every right to take away his parental rights, especially if he acts like he doesnt have time when it comes to his sons welfare. That is terrible. I am glad you have T he seems like a good person.
ReplyDeleteSorry you didnt gain, but at least you know you tried and at least you didnt purge! I am so so very proud of you right now, I hope you have a lovely day, make the most of it and keep smiling :)
Much love xxx
Wow, he is rude :p Don't let it get to you though.
ReplyDeleteSometimes our bodies make NO sense at all. I heard from someone once that if you starve or restrict long enough, a binge can actually influence weight loss but I figured they were bulling around :p
Just hang in there for your session <3 Try and enjoy the day though, sweetie. Love you <3
-Emma
That's how it works! If you eat low amounts for a while and then plateau you should eat more for a day! It makes the weight come right off(:
ReplyDeleteSorry the dad is such an ass. Irresponsible guys won't ever change though :/
Good luck with everything! XOXO
It's really sad that people can have kids and then just drop them. I hope you get your son on the right track with counseling and everything else. Good job on the 900 cals. That's awesome. Enjoy your weekend.
ReplyDeleteWow, you're so upbeat, such an inspiration!
ReplyDeleteIn regards to your weightloss, you probably sped up your metabolism with the extra food.. I know it all seems backwards, but we don't know who made the rules! Lol.. Usually it takes a day or two to see it, but you're so small that your body probably went crazy at being fed at spaced out intervals, that it didn't realise when to stop burning the energy and therefore burned over 900 cals. Just keep it up hun and it will get the hang of being fed and gain again. Take it slow and do it at *your* pace, so that you can handle it and don't run the other way.
As for your sons dad, what a jackass! That's the exact same thing that I call my bio person, a 'sperm donor', lol. My "step-dad" has been there for me, and is totally my dad.. so maybe your on the right track with letting T step up, if that's what he wants to do =)
Hope you enjoyed your day huni xxx
Wow that is a lot of calories compared to what I am use to you eating. It's not like you lost the 2lbs on purpose. I think the food speed up your metobo leading to the 2lb lost. Makes sense to me.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you finally got in touch with T's dad. Yeah I would not blame you one bit for taking away his rights. He doesn't act like a dad so what should it matter to him. I bet he would get mad though. I don't understand men like that. Most of the time it is because they will have to pay child support. Look at it as you should be in your child's life and you not being there is payment.
Okay I am done now :-)
Good lord my body does the same thing, I don't eat and gain and eat and lose. Its just one messed up never ending cycle. Anyways I'm sorry to hear about your son in your last post and his dad isnt makeing it any better by being a complete ass. Stay strong hun! You ill get everything figured out and enjoy the rest of your day<3
ReplyDeleteHoney, sorry to see it's such a hard period lately. Yeah I agree that you must have lost weight because of the shock your body got from that. But don't worry, if you keep doing it, it will get used to it and start gaining again. That guy there is such an asshole, really. Sperm donator is really all he is. But don't think that if your son has some problems it's all your fault. You're a lovely mum. You care about your kids so much and you do everything you can to stay with them and do things with them. I used to love getting the flu cause it was the only time my mum would have spent some time with me. Growing a child up must be really the most difficult thing ever. You can't control everything. But I see you doing your very best to make these kids happy, and I'm definitely not the only one noticing it. Stay strong, even if it's hard. Love you. here if you need to talk xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ReplyDelete900 calories is not the intake of a pig! You'll still lose weight like that, but I'm sure you don't need to. Judging from your stats, you are very skinny. And from your posts . . . you just sound like an all around beautiful person.
ReplyDeleteHmm, chocolate cupcake with icing . . . . buy it for your son and have a bite! Or you and your two lovely children could split it three ways. :)