117.4

WTF?!?!?! Ugh I am so disappointed. What happened? Where did I mess up? 2 whole freaking pounds?!?! I barely ate anything at all yesterday. Granted, I snacked, and when I snacked, I didn't purge. So that's probably why. I want to work out so freaking bad, but this cyst is killing me. My honey and I had a discussion last night, and for the first time in our relationship, he voiced to me that he doesn't like what I'm doing, and that he wishes I could change it. So I'm torn. I don't know what to do. I don't want to disappoint him, but I don't want to be fat. WTF am I supposed to do? Eating right and exercising has never worked for me in the past. That's why I have always come back to my eating disorder. It's comfortable, and it's successful; well most of the time. I plan on eating an apple or banana for breakfast, then go work out when my youngest goes down for a nap. I was going to go to church, but with both the kids, I'm overwhelmed and it's hard to take them both in and be able to pay attention to the pastor. But I don't know. My friend says I should go because if I don't, then I will feel guilty about it later. Which she is probably right. I just can't make up my mind about anything as of lately. I feel bad for everyone in my life right now, especially my honey. I know I'm driving everyone crazy with my mood swings and not being able to make decisions about ANYTHING. So what I'm going to do now is go do dishes, vaccuum the house, and wait for nap time. I will do some worship on my own time while my youngest sleeps.