110.2 and I was freaking for what?

OK, so I lost only 4 ounces, but at least it wasn't a gain. I was so mentally exhausted last night from crying all day. Even when I woke up this morning, I felt in a total daze. I battled with myself for so long before deciding to get on the scale. I might have lost today, but I feel gross. I feel like I look wider, or my thighs have started to touch again. I feel so unhappy with myself. This morning I baked cookies. I was going to do it last night, but didn't have the energy to do so. My batch of cookies came out to 140 of them! They are somewhat amazing if I do say so myself. I'm thinking about entering them in some kind of baking contest =) I have only ate 4 today, which is really good (they are really small and about 60 cal a cookie.) Then for lunch I made pork and cheese quesadillas. Those were probably about 400 calories, but they were very quite easy to purge, so I made sure there was none left to sit there and fester on my thighs. Now I have had dinner in the crock pot since 11:30. I am making chicken tacos. I made them last week as well, and they are pretty amazing. I'm guessing around 300 calories per taco and I make sure that I only eat one along with some beans and rice. So my dinner tonight will be around 450 calories. So my total intake for today would be (if I didn't purge) around 790 calories. Ugh, when you count it out like that, it sounds disgusting. And because that number is so high, that is the reason why it is so easy for me to purge without even thinking about it. I don't think I could consume 790 calories in a day and make sure it all stayed there. The only thing that I will have consumed today that didn't get purged were those 4 cookies I had earlier. So 240 calories have stayed in my body, and that is more than enough for me. But I know I walked off those cookies. My honey (who I'm going to start calling T, instead of my honey) and I went on a 4.5 mile walk today. That was awesome. I felt so good afterwards. The only downfall was that my left side started hurting. When I do too much activity, that damn cyst causes me so much pain. I'm pretty nervous about my doctors appointment tomorrow. And I have to go by myself since T has to work. Well I better take off and get dinner finished up. Talk to you soon.
XOXO Katie