I apologize that I am writing for a second time today. I have just been having a day from hell and don't know where else to turn. I have been on my own case all freaking day. I had a total melt down after dinner tonight. I first stood in my bathroom without my shirt on and squeezed my sides and my stomach and was beyond disgusted with myself. After that I went into the bedroom and fell to my knees right in front of my honey and started bawling. I lifted my shirt and showed him my stomach and kept crying and told him how much I hated myself. I feel so bad for him. He feels so helpless. Doesn't know what to say or what to do to help me. But he holds me and rubs my back. He really is a sweet guy. I'm just so done with this shit. I hate feeling like no matter how much weight I lose, I will never be happy with myself. No matter how many sit ups I do, I will still be a fat cow. No matter how much I do or don't eat, I am going to cry myself to sleep at the end of the day. As I am sitting here right now with a hoodie and jammies on, I can't help but feel like my fat and cellulite is exposed for everyone to see. I can feel my roll of fat on my stomach just sitting there taunting me to do something about it. Ugh, I am so frustrated right now, I don't even know how to handle it. In the past, I would cut. My razor used to be such a close friend. But I gave it up. For over a year now. Some days I miss it, other days, it's easy to live without. I'm sorry that I am just ranting and raving about nothing, but I'm just overwhelmed and needed somewhere to express all of this. Thank you all for reading. I really do appreciate it.
XOXO Katie
Aww gosh I am so, so sorry :( I wish I knew what to say to help you feel better. Whenever I have melt downs (which is often) no one knows how to handle me or what to say; they usually leave me alone or get so frustrated that they start yelling. You are really lucky to have such a sweet and understanding husband that is so willing to try to help you. I wish I had someone like that in my life. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for you. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.
ReplyDelete<3 Dainty
When I was reading this I felt like I was reading the story of my life right now. And I am so sorry that you are going through all of this babe :(
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend is like that too. I'll literally bawl my eyes out about everything and he just doesn't know what to do or how to help. I feel bad for the guy. But it is good that you have somebody there for you even if they don't know what to do. Sometimes somebody that will listen is better than having somebody there that won't do anything.
Everything is going to get better, babe. stay strong <3