Baked egg in an avocado.... Mmmm

That is what I had for breakfast this morning. Well half of the avocado with the egg and a small piece of wheat toast. Total the breakfast was around 180 calories. And it was sooo yummy. I still weighed in at 110 this morning, and I'm OK with that. I didn't gain, which is always a plus. Unfortunately, I did purge my breakfast this morning. T thinks that maybe it's taking so much longer for my body to heal from surgery because my body needs nutrition and I'm depriving myself of that. He is probably right. It's now 1:30pm and I don't have much of an appetite. I thought about making some ramen noodles, but if I eat now and then dinner at 6, that's too close together for me. I'm making chicken cordon bleu for dinner with white rice. I'm pretty proud of myself that I have learned to cook all of this amazing food on my own. I didn't have anyone teach me. The topic of my ED has been coming up quite a bit between T and I. He thinks I'm closed minded and that until I want to change, no one is going to convince me otherwise. He is right. There is a small part of me that wants to beat this thing, but a bigger part of me that likes having it around. Damned if I do, Damned if I don't. That's pretty much how I'm feeling right now. If I continue on with my disease, I dissapoint the people in my life and ultimately myself. But if I don't and decided to change it, I will get fat and be unhappy with myself. So it seems like a lose, lose situation. On another note, I need to get out of this house. Being here is driving me insane. I think being here for so long has triggered a bit of my depression and anxiety. I want to be outside in the beautiful sunshine or up in the mountains. I also want to say a special thanks to Dainty for being a tremendous amount of support and being a new friend in an otherwise dark place. I love that I have someone to talk to who is just like me. Alright, might update later. Much love.
XOXO Katie