Friday, April 27, 2012

103.6

*Huge sigh of relief* It's amazing to see a different number and for that number to be lower. Although it seems to have no affect on my perspective. Last night before bed, I was crying because even though I can see the numbers changing on the scale, my stomach seems huge. It seems like it's bulging out. I know that I'm doing 400 crunches a day and 100 leg lifts, but I figured that would make my stomach flatter, not make me feel like I'm bloated. This is why I'm convinced that ED and ANA have taken over everything. Here I am, 103.6lbs, the smallest I have EVER been but yet, still unhappy. It's driving me insane. Literally. I was talking to a friend last night about my obsessive compulsiveness about my eating disorder, and she kinda just looked at me like I was crazy. I feel crazy. I feel like I have finally lost it. I don't plan on eating anything today until later tonight. I did have a half a cup of coffee with cream and sugar (30.) I am leaving in about an hour to go get my hair colored and that will take a few hours in itself. Then after that, I have to drive my dad around for his errands. So as long as I can keep busy and my mind off of food, it will be easy for me. We are going to the bar tonight, so I know that I will be eating there. I always do. So that's all I really have to say. I saw a lower number today, but it hasn't changed anything. Sigh. Much love.
XOXO Katie
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2 comments:

  1. luApril 27, 2012 at 7:59 PM

    change is good, especially when it's a lower number so congrats! sorry to hear that it hasn't changed your happiness though. this is surely, as you said, part of the disease.

    i try not to talk to anyone about it because they will always look at you like you're crazy. they just don't get it!

    i feel the same way about my tummy :(

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  2. AnonymousApril 28, 2012 at 1:12 AM

    Well done on the loss and congratulations on the LW! I'm sure you are tiny and have a super flat stomach, it's just such a shame you can't see it :/ good luck with today and just try to enjoy yourself and think positively about your weight (easier said than done, right?)!
    And thank you so much for commenting on my blog so often even though I've been awful at commenting back!
    Lottie x

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