Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Just shoot me now
Scale reads the same. The only calories I consumed yesterday was dinner late last night. I purged that, 3 times. Couldn't I have at least dropped a couple ounces. Even that would give me some satisfaction. But no. I'm just a failure. Maybe I've hit my plateau. I have never been stuck this long. I've even been exercising these last two days in hopes of those numbers dropping. It's 5:30pm and I have only ate 3 lemon drops (15cal) and exercised 421 cal. So my net intakes is -406. I don't know what else I can do here. I started taking Acai-trim even to help drop the pounds. But nope. I'm just having a crappy day all the way around. Nothing has gone right today. I plan on making pizza for dinner for the boys and T, but I don't know if I want to eat. I just want those numbers to change. And I guess at this point, I'm willing to do anything for them to go down. Around 1pm I wanted to binge. I haven't had that much of an overwhelming sensation to want to binge in so long. I blame pinterest. I'm always looking up recipes for family dinners, but then I started looking up pies, cakes, brownies, cookies. And I want so bad to go binge on some chips, and the cookies. And the ice cream. The sushi. The cheese whizz. But instead of giving in, I decided to go work out. I blared my music so loud and worked out for 45 minutes. I felt fantastic afterwards. Until the voices came back. "Fat. Failure. You're never going to be skinny. Look at those legs. They are disgusting. You're disgusting." I have been listening to them all day. I'm so over all this shit. My kids have been screaming at me all day. I need to make food for my MOPS group tomorrow. But instead I'm sitting here having a freaking pity party for me because I'm so exhausted. I'm overwhelmed. I'm done being a fatty. I'm currently drinking a diet wild cherry Pepsi because I was craving tasty. It's working. Now I have to go make my food for tomorrow. Trying something new. Hope it turns out OK. Thank you all for your wonderful, supporting, motivating comments. They truly help. Much love.
XOXO Katie
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hi, i just read quite a few of your posts. i was truly moved. please don't put up with your ex's rude and negative comments, just walk away before he gets a chance to start. no one needs someone like that in their life so be strong for yourself and your children. don't allow him to get any pleasure from verbally abusing you. don't give him that control.
ReplyDeletesorry if that seems too outspoken. i just hate when men treat women with such disregard for respect.
sounds like you have a very supportive boyfriend and you have those here to support you as well!
lu
You had be up until the sushi and cheese whizz. haha But really, good job not giving into a binge. More then I can say with my 2 binges/purges today. :-( Hang in there sweet girl, you WILL lose the weight, it just takes time. Remember what I told you on my first FB message? You are FAR from disgusting! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteLOL just so you know, I didn't mean sushi and cheese whizz together silly =)
DeleteI kinda figured, but it was funny to read. haha
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