Back to 104.4

I made it. I wanted to be back to 104.4 before I went and saw my therapist today, and I did it. Yesterday after I dropped my youngest off at his dad's, I went to the rec center and did and hour and 10 minutes on the elliptical and burned 474 calories total. But after that T's dad took us to Applebees for dinner. I told myself I was going to get a side salad because they are cheap and that's all I really needed, but no, instead I ate a spicy chicken wrap with onion rings. Then I had a total panic attack because the place was so busy and there was NO way I was going to be able to purge them in the bathroom at the restaurant. So I had to wait 20 minutes until we got home to purge. I do believe I got most of it though. That was the second fattening thing I had to eat yesterday. While up dropping my youngest off with his dad, he bought me lunch. A freaking calzone. And instead of eating just half of it, I ate the entire thing. Ugh I was so mad at myself. I did purge ALL of that though. Last night was such an emotional night for me. First off, I was so sure that I gained weight with how much I ate yesterday. And last night at 10:30, I was still hungry. I couldn't believe it. Secondly, yesterday marked 8 months since my brother passed. And my dad and I were talking on the phone about spreading his ashes when we go out to Tennessee. And I just broke down. We shouldn't even have to do this. My brother was taken way too soon. It seriously is not fair. I have lost so many people in these past couple years. I didn't sleep well last night. Too many nightmares. I think I am going to talk to my therapist today about them. Maybe she can give me something to make them all go away and I can actually reach REM for once. So because of all the crying last night and restless sleep, my eyes are so heavy today. T is at work again today. He just needs one day off. That's all I'm asking for. One day to catch up on sleep and do what HE wants to do. I feel so bad for him. But yesterday he got off work around 4pm, which is 5 and a half hours earlier than he has been, so we got an hour to ourselves before we went to dinner with his dad. I miss him. But sometimes it's easier to deal with my ED without him here. That way I don't have to see disappointment in his face after I go to the restroom. So anyway, I am going to get on with my day. I hope everyone has a lovely day. Much love.

Perfect body and so tan =)

XOXO Katie