Lost a little, but not enough

Only 6 ounces down. Which puts me at 106 exact. What I wouldn't give to be back to the 104.4 I was just a few days ago. I guess that's what I get for complaining, huh? Ever since I went back up, I have felt nothing but disappointment and disgust. How could I have let this happen? How did it happen? I didn't binge, I have been exercising, I'm still purging several times a day. I just don't understand. The only thing I have had to eat was a hot pocket sub at lunch time that I obviously purged. T still isn't home from work, and I was going to eat dinner with him, but now, I'm not really hungry. I worked out for an hour and a half total today with 400 crunches in there. Plus stayed active most of the day. Cleaned the entire house (although it's a disaster again, darn kids.) I'm praying that the numbers will read a bit lower in the morning. I know that if I go to my therapy on Thursday and she asks how much I weigh this week and I tell her I went up, she is just going to be oh so excited. Ugh, gag me with a freakin spoon. While I was trying to keep my mind busy today, I made this brownie batter dip that you are supposed to eat with Vanilla Wafers or pretzels. I haven't ate any of it. It's now sitting on the bottom shelf way in the back. That's what I really want. I want the sweets. They are my weakness. And then I make dips and cakes like that, and I don't eat them. The most I do is lick the spoon and a bit of the bowl; which I did today (I even purged that :/). Today has just been a very stressful and overwhelming day. My dad wants to go to Tennessee in August of the 1 year anniversary of my brother's death, and I would be so much more excited at the idea if it was just going to be him and I. I don't mind my step mom, but for short periods of time. I believe she is my father's enabler and he drinks so much more when she is around. And if she goes, that means I am going to have to get my own hotel room, be squished in the back seat and be ignored. When my dad and I went to Tennessee when my brother passed, it was just him and I. And I enjoyed the trip, given the circumstances. We had a nice time and spent a lot of time together. So now if I want to go with them, he wants an answer within a couple weeks, then I have to start saving money. The trip would be around 700 dollars just for me alone for hotel rooms and food and just some spending money. Do you know how hard it is for a stay at home mom to save that much money? Yeah, pretty much impossible. So that's been weighing on my mind all day. The way my stress levels have been today, I just wish I could crawl under my blankets and scream into my pillow. That would make it better. Well that's about all I have to say. Until tomorrow. Much love.

XOXO Katie