Despite my horrid gain...

 Sorry it's such a crappy pic. You really can't see them all =(

I can see my ribs. I count 4 on each side. This means that I have been successful in at least something. I'm excited, but scared too. This is what I've been aiming for though, right? Being able to see them? My collar bones. My shoulder blades. I have reached that goal. But why can't I reach my goal weight? Why does it seem so far off? Up until now that pounds have been melting off of me. But these last couple of weeks, they refuse to go down, but instead up. T and I were talking and he thinks maybe my gain came from all the crunches I have been doing recently. I did 8 days of 100 crunches, and these last 4 days I have been doing 200. The burn feels amazing. But if that's the reason why I'm gaining weight is because of the muscle, I don't know how to feel. I want my "mommy pouch" gone. I want to have a flat stomach and the gap between my thighs. Then I will be happy, won't I? I just worked out for 45 minutes. That felt great. I have been feeling huge all day. Even though it's been around 65 degrees all day, I have been wearing my hoodie, that way I don't have to see my stomach. I ate breakfast this morning. I never eat breakfast. Just extra calories that I don't really need. But I made egg whites with avocado, green onions, cheese, red pepper, and salt and pepper. They came really good, and smelled amazing. Only 110 calories which is good. I purged it though. Then around lunch time, I ate some cheese whizz and crackers and some Cheetos. Purged those as well. Dinner has been in the crock pot all day. I decided to make Chicken Noodle Soup. It's so easy to purge, easy to make, and it's such a comfort food. T won't be home until super late tonight. He has officially worked for 7 days in a row. I miss him like crazy. I refuse to let our relationship falter because he's not home that much. Last night when he got home, I put all of my emotions aside, I didn't cry at all, and I listened to him about his day and how he is feeling lately. I can not let my severe depression, anxiety and eating disorder get in the way of us. This battle that I am fighting will have to just stay between it and I. It's in every one's best interest. Luckily, I have all my readers to help encourage me and make me feel like I'm not alone with this. I see the therapist on Thursday. I'm hoping that I will be back down a couple pounds by then so she won't have to know that I'm a failure at this. She is gonna look at me and think that I'm too fat to have this eating disorder. So anyway, off to do my motherly things. Much love.
XOXO Katie