Why am I not losing?

I am beyond frustrated being stuck at 107. I am not happy with this anymore. I know it probably has to do with the fact that I haven't been able to work out or go for a walk since my surgery so I wasn't burning any fat. Although this evening, T and I took the boys for a 4.5 mile walk which was relaxing. But it was difficult for me. I don't know if it was because it's been almost 2 weeks since I have walked that far or because I didn't have any calories to burn when we went. I mean this morning around 11am, I went to Wendys and got a burger and ate a couple chicken nuggets, but I purged those. Then went and ran a few errands, came home, cleaned the garage, the back yard and the house. Then we went on our walk. I should have probably had a small something before we left, but I just couldn't give in. I have gotten to the point, that even though we have a kitchen full of food, I will walk in there, open the fridge, the freezer and the cupboards, stare at all the food I have and just convince myself I am not hungry. Late last night, I sat in the middle of the kitchen floor crying because I was so hungry, but I couldn't bring myself to eat. I know it's gotten bad. I know that I need help. I don't know if I'm ready for the help. I want to be happy with myself. And as of right now, I need to lose the fat that sits on my stomach and the fat that sits on my legs. Even though it was 83 degrees when we went on our walk, I still wore jeans because I can't stand my legs in shorts. Right now, it's 80 degrees in the house and I'm covered with a blanket, strictly because I feel huge and I can't stand to look down and see myself. I swear I need those numbers to go down tomorrow or I'm gonna freak. My oldest is off this week for Spring Break, so I'm hoping that we can keep pretty active. Although I heard it's supposed to rain either tomorrow or Tuesday, but that's OK too because we need it. I just wish I could wake up in the morning and I would be happy. Happy with myself and satisfied with the numbers on the scale. T and I were talking and he told me that if we ever wanted to try for a baby in the distant future, that he is worried about it. I told him that I would make sure I was better before that were to happen. I'm scared of having a girl somewhere down the road because I don't ever want to watch her go through what I have and am currently going through. That would tear me up. I hope I can get to the point one day when I can say, I used to have an eating disorder, but now I'm happy and content. Maybe... Just maybe...

XOXO Katie