104.4

So here I am at the end of the day and so upset with myself. I ate like a pig today. We went to Taco Bell for lunch (purged 3 times) and then tonight for dinner I made spaghetti with a salad (purged another 3 times.) I can't believe I ate so much. I have been doing so good these last few days with just eating enough just to get by without passing out. My therapist appointment went alright yesterday. Awkward really, but hopefully it will be easier over time. I am so disappointed in how much I ate today, but tomorrow it going to be worse. I have promised myself that I will not eat anything until dinner with the family. Although I know everyone will be watching me while I eat and when I get up to go to the restroom afterwards. Yesterday before I met with the therapist and I was in the bathroom after purging the 14 french fries (120 cal) I had on my way up there; I looked at myself in the mirror and I thought to myself, "This lady is going to take one look at me and wonder why I'm here. I'm too fat to look like I have an eating disorder." And that's how I feel. I'm huge. My cheeks are chunky, my thighs are huge and my stomach is so round. And my skin has completely broken out lately. I just feel like I look plain nasty. I wonder what T sees in me. Why he is so attracted to me. He is so good looking and me, well I'm just a plain Jane. I know there is a beautiful girl somewhere in here, and one day I will find her. On a side note; T let me get a puppy today. He was free because no one else would take him. Why you may ask. He's deaf. But he is 3.5 months old and is so well trained already. I am so excited. T told me that my puppy will never judge me, look at me if I eat too much (or too little) and be disappointed. He will love me unconditionally. That was so sweet of him to say. My puppy's name is Hyrum Walker. Til tomorrow. Much love.

Fitting picture? I think so

XOXO Katie