I went up a pound. This is OK I keep telling myself. Even though I am having a fat day. I'm wearing jeans and a baggy shirt. I feel disgusting. I didn't eat all day yesterday until dinner last night. T told me that he was taking me to go get something to eat. Of course it was McDonald's. His reasoning? Because it's fattening and packed full of calories. I knew, I just fucking knew that it was a bad idea. I got a grilled chicken sandwich and ate just the chicken, with no bun or sauce or anything. That was 150 ugly calories. Then a third of my fries. And then half of a McDouble. Once I started, I couldn't freaking stop. And then I didn't work out last night. The most I did was crunches and sit ups. I felt like a fat failure. But that's the stupid voices talking. I need to beat these voices out of my head. I woke up this morning and T told me I need to eat today. So I ate 1 cup of multi grain cheerios (110cal) and 1/4 cup of almond milk (10cal.) 120 calories already and it's only 10:45am. And my coffee. I want to take the boys to the water park that opened today. It's about a 3 mile walk if we decided to walk there. I really want to walk there. Take a lunch for the boys and enjoy the beautiful weather. I don't think T wants to walk because it would burn the 120 calories I ate plus more. But walking is healthy for all of us. My youngest has his EEG tomorrow at Children's Hospital. I'm pretty nervous. I also believe my oldest has Aspergers. I have been doing a lot of research on the disease. He fits it pretty well. And since I have been doing my research and have a better understanding on his possible disorder, it's easier for me to handle him and talk to him. W have been getting along pretty well. T has been pretty strict on getting me to eat and watching how much I exercise. I know he is doing it because he loves me. It is exhausting but comforting knowing someone cares so much for me. Yesterdays graduation party was alright. I managed to stay completely away from all the food and left before the cake was even served. My youngest needed a nap so I used that as an excuse to get out of there. I was proud of myself for resisting. I need to work out today. I have gone 3 days without doing so. I am determined. I'm going outside and enjoying this beautiful weather. Everyone have a wonderful day. Much love.
XOXO Katie
:) I am so glad you can see that he is only insisting on you eating out of love.. I am proud of you too :) have a lovely day xx
ReplyDeleteHey Katie,
ReplyDeleteT sounds like a good guy and that he really loves you, hope your little ones test goes ok tomorrow,
Lots of love x
It's nice that he cares though. So many people around people with EDs don't pay enough attention so it is sweet in a way that he wants you to eat. x
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself sweetheart.
ReplyDeleteAlice xx
T is such a sweet thing, not maybe McDonald's but the idea in general. He's trying, like really hard. Waterpark sound amazing and I hope the test for your little one goes ok.
ReplyDeleteHave a happy day and enjoy life!!
<3
Good luck with your little man's testing. I have two bebes as well, so I know EXACTLY how it feels when you're worried sick about them.
ReplyDeleteAs for everything else, you're a strong mama bear. You need to do what you think would make your kids proud. Do you think they care if you're 95 pounds or 120 pounds? Of course not. They just want you to be their mommy and to be a good role model. <3
I find that adorable that he cares that much! And I hope everything goes alright with your youngest tomorrow. <33
ReplyDeletehey :)
ReplyDeleteI just followed, thanks for your lovely comment! keep us updated and I will soon catch up with your blog
lots of love,
annamaria