Hello again, ANA

So just as I suspected, today isn't what it's all hyped up to be. I woke up to the house completely trashed by my puppy. Toilet paper, my TWO favorite pairs of shoes; completely destroyed and in pieces all over the house. My youngest woke up with something very weird going on with him (but I'm not going to write about it until I take him to the doc tomorrow.) I woke T up with coffee and breakfast. He told me that he wanted to make me breakfast since it's mother's day. That was sweet to offer, but I beat him to the punch and made his lol. While he ate, I went and jumped in the shower. I did my morning ritual by stripping down and got on the scale. Still read 100lbs. I can't tell if I'm finally over this number and want to lose, or I just can't understand why I haven't lost. It's not that I really want to lose anymore. But with how much ANA has been around, you would think it would make a difference. She has been yelling at me all day. Telling me how horrible those jeans looked on me, that my arm fat is disgusting, that I should wear a hoodie all day so everyone doesn't have to see how gross I look. And that's exactly what I'm doing. Instead of enjoying my day and feeling wonderful and beautiful, I feel repulsing. My intake for the day so far is -80cal. It's almost 4pm. I'm starving. That's OK. I can't imagine putting anything into me so close to dinner. After T gets home from the movies, I am making chicken alfredo for dinner. Not for myself of course. Nope. I will have 1.5 cups of salad with a few pieces of chicken in it. No dressing. Too many calories. ANA is telling me to not put the chicken in it. And to do 1 cup instead. That's only 10cal. A 10cal dinner? No, that's not right. I can at least put the chicken in it. This is how it's been all day. That's why I have only had my egg whites and kiwi at 8am this morning. I'm empty. I'm trying not to think about the burrito that T bought me a couple days. My favorite breakfast burrito ever. No. Just stop thinking about it now. I plan on working out tonight. Make my calories even more negative. I can't get fat. I need to. I will one day. Just not now. Or anytime soon. I'm going to go lay down instead. Maybe I can fall asleep for an hour and that will take away my hunger. I will stop thinking about food. I will not get on Pinterest and look at food porn. Well maybe just for a few minutes. No one else is around. It won't hurt anyone. Just like it wouldn't matter to anyone if I went in the kitchen and ate the chocolate fudge pudding, or a chocolate chip cookie, or 5. Alright, that's enough rambling. Thank you to my new followers. Much love.

XOXO Katie